I’m not sure how often I’ve brought this up, but I think that Free to Play games were among the worst things to happen to the industry in recent years, and there have been a lot since I got in this industry’s intestines, mostly the large one, where poop is dried out, around 2006. But after reading this little piece by somebody who has been getting neck deep in whale blood as his employers tried to manipulate individuals with mental problems for the sexiest thing in the mortal world, Kentucky granola, also known as USD, I feel I have an opportunity that I shall not waste, if only because I love the line and it is mostly true. Free to play games were a mistake; they’re nothing but trash. I hope they are outlawed by 2033, when the Great African War begins and half of it is destroyed by a nuclear explosion. Buy War Bonds in preparation of the war to end all wars! Continue reading
Metal Gear Solid V came out this week, and people are unsurprisingly adoring the game. However, even if I weren’t keeping to my word to not buy the game before September 1, 2017, as to make my claim that I wouldn’t buy the game for ‘years’, I don’t think I’d be that interested. Quite simply, the base building, open world, and ranking systems all sound like the worst thing you could do with a narrative driven stealth game. Missions? Fine. But ranking and grading systems stir all sorts of bad anxieties inside my butthole. Continue reading
Well, it’s that time of year again, where the sun rises high and slowly creeps over to the other side of the country where magic truly does exist in the form of a corporate PR event that will be jam packed with ice cream pandas and lobster men who will undoubtedly be shot by a bunch of hired apathetic day workers… Sorry, I hit my head again and those words came out. Point it, it is Pre-E3, or Preeee! as one may call it if they started a blog post about video game news by insinuating the sun creates lobster men. And as expected, everybody’s gushing to get their big thing in every lady’s face before the oversaturated extravaganza hits when I’m at work… guess I better get the skeleton ready for me to pin flesh onto it! Continue reading
Let’s see here… Bandai Namco’s going some indie stuff? Nah. Zynga has lost a lot of market share, but I don’t even care about them as a thing. Gamestop is closing many stores and shifting more to mobile, but I am going digital from now on, so I don’t really care a hair. Battlefield 4 is still busted, even after it came out six months ago. Just Cause 3 may be a thing, yet I found 2 to be super dull. A lot of people have played Watch Dogs and its story sounds loathsomely mundane for a game with giant robot spiders. Oh, and a bunch of people dug up some old ET cartridges… Yeah, it’s been a very slow news week. Continue reading
Are you ready for the summer? I’m not! Mostly due to how it means I’ll be done with high school, and can’t fart about as much because of internships and college classes. Remember one thing I’ll tell you kids, live free and wild, eating all he gummies, and playing all the video games. Then I guess OD before you go to the real world… Do you remember all the friendship I brought into your life- okay, now to fulfill my obligations.