Nigmabox Rundown (07/4-13/4) The Biggest Stick to Go Into a Girl’s Bum

NRHEADER

Let’s make this a dozen and keep this doom train roaring through the great plains of Acirema, the lands of the deities’ kin, and their devoured corpses.  Falling from the sky for weeks before landing and altering the land with the fertile moist soil!  Let’s make a cake to celebrate the-  What am I talking about?  I’ve got game news for this rag of an industry.

Rolling out the ball of information, I swear that there is something dreadfully wrong with the company, as Square Enix explained where their losses came from.  Because they expected to see 5 million with Tomb Raider and Hitman Absolution… Square, are you just-  Wait, they’re the lanks who made too many assets for a games, so they had to make it into three to justify the costs.  Yeah, you can do whatever slim.  If you are willing to put this much dough into a title, I would like to show you to the door-  “The huge loss was like a voice from the heavens telling me it’s time to move on.”.  Don’t worry, you shant be missed.  Ascend into the Metatron, whatever the blazes that is CEO man, and take your company with you even if it means no The World Ends With You 2.  Who am I kidding?  That would’ve never happened anyhow.

SCD Parents are abandoning you goodbye we're done

 

 

Nor shall I miss the days where the industry was still very male dominated, one of which is today, assuming things aren’t going swimmingly and you’re reading this in 2033.  Now, aside from some employment and occupational information on the subject, which shows that the wages are unfairly tilted, something that I feel the need to preface with how not all jobs are equal.  All that I can say is that it is stupid how only 4% of programmers are female, along with 7% of QA testers.  With Naughty Dog needing to fight just to get a good number of them to test their game. They aren’t physical labor jobs, which are the only jobs where it makes sense for male dominance, so the only reason in my hat is that the world is unenlightened and does not realize the truth that if there was a cure for the cursed menstrual cycle, they would be the 100% objectively better species.  Which is only half joking from my fingerlings.  Because I’d be fine with normal unsexing…

 

SCD Sex Criminal is near in my grade

 

Speaking of a characters who I like to think about as an unsexed, we’ve got a proper Announcement for Batman Arkham Origins… really?  You’re going with a title like that, and ending a console trilogy with a prequel?  Lame!  Sure, the other two titles were enjoyable to the point where I’m considering going through them once more.  Although, suspicious rightfully arises at how the game is being made by the chaps behind the Arkham City port for the Wii U, which added a bunch of unnecessary crap.  Perhaps it will be good, seeing as how they apparently are endorsed by Rocksteady, but that could just be due to how they want to stay on good terms with Warner Brothers.  Honestly, I’m more anticipating the 2.5D handheld title also arriving on October 25th, which is basically a Metroidvania Arkham Asylum right down to sequence breaking.  And the label of Armature Studios as a developer makes things look pretty bright.

SCD I'll send you smutty pictures big bro

 

 

Speaking of Armature, who I should specify as being ex-Retro Studio employees, they were apparently working on a Mega Man X FPS reboot that never got okayed.  Which actually sounds plausible considering Metroid Prime, but Metroid always had a fairly oppressive atmosphere that lent well to an FPS, while Mega Man X, or Mega Man in general, would work better in the third person.  As long as it isn’t Mega Man X7 or pulls a Bomberman Act Zero in terms of being for reals with the grit, I mean we’ve got enough of that stuff to bring forth a thousand years of darkness.

 

PGOS How Is This So Fun Sad Depressing

 

Which brings it back to me grumbling at the industry, wanting to hit it like a dog with a newspaper.  But I’m rather cross on one subject as of the moment, that being Deep Silver, a not quite AAA publisher who is best known for Dead Island and eventually Metro and Saints Row.  Recently, they claimed to be better than the trinity of publishing power by taking on smaller projects and releasing shovelware to pay the dues.  Which I would certainly respect, except for how they swore off the Wii U.  I don’t get it, wasn’t the plan to make the tools extremely easy to use for ports?  Or is Nintendo being a prick for no good reason, and demanding Gamepad functionality when it is unnecessary?  I mean, explain why we can’t have Tomb Raider or Bioshock Infinite on it.  Does it just have a really weak component or too small of a user base?  If it’s the later, I wonder who’s fault that is.

 

SCD If You Made One MIstake, it would be... Screw Up Error

 

Well, I know something that is Ubisofts fault, the fact that Rayman Legends’ online mode/demo will launch later this month with an exclusive level.  It is nice to see that Ubisoft, but you’re still working your employees away from their families with more crunch time perpetually going on.  They’re doing this out of love, they promise 30 exclusive skronking levels, which is basically an extra $30 of content if you compare it to Rayman Origins.  Seriously Ubisoft, what you thinking girl?  You delayed a title to port it, and are making the ports objectively worse day one…  Logic has no ties with thee!

 

MLM Why Can't I Win?

 

Although, I suppose they have some semblance of sense, because of Far Cry 3: Blood Dragon.  A game that looks to do what I want a good 10% of games to do, be cheese.  Stuff like this and the Assassin’s Creed III DLC about George Washington becoming a tyrant, so you must stop by becoming a bear.  That is what I want out of my video games, I also want good story telling ala The Walking Dead, Bioshock Infinite, Mass Effect, etc.  But so many games this generation donned a cloak of being serious that something like this should be no surprise.  But what is presented seems pretty neat, based on the first 15 minutes.  That, and there are actual dragons in it… here’s $15!

SCD Am I just giving you my money?

 

 

Also kinda neat is how Microsoft fired Mr. “Deal With It”.  In a move that makes them seem more squirmy the more one thinks about it.  Sure, he was a prick and rilled people up, but firing him for being rude off of company time seems odd to me.  All it did was spark rumors against the always on console, so this just makes me think you’d do it even more.  I mean, they’re supposedly pushing for that game from E3 2011, Ryse, as the next big IP.  Along with a “zombie game”, Forza, which I refuse to believe people buy, and a Kinect Pixar adventure… So half Kinect, half media, half games… Well, it was nice owning your stuff Microsoft, cheers.  Even though, we’ll likely see the next iteration of the Xbox on May 21st, I’m hoping to find a justification to skip out on this generation and perhaps enter the PC Master Race, hardy har.

 

WataMote Vulgar Joke

 

But shaking up my mellow yellow like a prick is Crytek, who had the gonads to say that graphics are 60% of a game.  To which I say that they are invalidating games like my peers seem to invalidate movies, with only the recent three years holding something worth their precious time.  Let alone believing it to be a quantifiable numerical value represented throughout an entire medium.  One can make the arguments that visuals are a set number of importance, which I would not be so jived about.  However, Crytek basically said that video games might as well not be worth playing unless they’re in HD, the racist pricks.

 

PGOS Racial Localization Friendship of Japan

 

On the subject of Racism, Bioshock Infinite is getting a lot of the words said about it.   From getting pissy and making a text adventure.  Or commenting that the game is too violent, which I’m in the favor of if what Jim Sterling says it true.  It is always delightful to see a game capture people’s attention like this, now if only I had decided to buy it, instead of waiting for the DLC to come out and be on sale.  However, I still am not sure I want to actually play it due to the gameplay that seems overbearing.  Because I’m that weird guy who played the classic Bioshock trinity more like Metro 2033.

 

SCD ALl of your opinions are wrong and lame

 

Should I… No, I’m not going to type up the Lost in the Limbo ending song for the end of this post.  I’m saving that for a special occasion.  Not one where I don’t have any clue what to do.  Oh, and if you have anything to say or want to jump into the soup with me, thow a note in the digital bottle and I’ll get back to you whenever I remember I have a blog.

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4 thoughts on “Nigmabox Rundown (07/4-13/4) The Biggest Stick to Go Into a Girl’s Bum

  1. IIRC, Nintendo said they wouldn’t force gamepad functionality. They actually outright stated their reason for avoiding the system – their audience just isn’t there.

    • The gamepad functionality bit was more or less me attempting to partake in the art of humor, but I guess I need to remember to fully read these doohickeys to make sure they are fully understandable. But with Deep Silver, I was more or less just poking fun at a publisher deciding just to not to support a system with any titles because they see no value in making a port, when I’ve heard that porting over PS3/360 titles is pretty darn easy. Either way, thanks for checking me out as always, because I am surprised I even get minor search result buzz let alone the attention of someone who I’d almost immediately place above me.

      • I don’t really understand the logic behind these companies not porting either, but it seems they just hate Nintendo. :/

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