Nobody seems to notice, but I find this to be fun, so let’s go for another weekly segment where the game news is talked about. From the week of February tenth to the sixteenth. with another title I made up right before posting. Yip-yip, ya donkeys!
First off, I’d like to address a piece from one of Destructoid’s lovely writers, Allistair Pinsof. Who claimed that Violence is Essential for making a game. And thought it got many a response, I’ll just mention one of them. It is stuff that makes my work look like rags to fine silk, so go read them instead, I suppose. If my planned response ended up being very… poor in comparison. But I have only been writing regularly for about a year now, and these people have had probably a good half a decade.
Not that half a decade of anything guarantees success, if Aliens: Colonial Marines is any indication. Yes, after an announcement so long that I’m guessing people thought it cancelled a couple of times finally came out, with negative scores across the board. Something I blame on the fact that it had three developers, a handicap that I can’t recall ever helping to turn out a spectacular title. Personally, I think this is a little bit telling of the aforementioned swarm of crap floating around the river of Game Industria, but I’m more concerned for Sega, since they have been doing as hot as February in most of the northern hemisphere.
And acting as a but as big as a butt that poops out moons, the entire development of the game was nonsensical at best. From inaccurate builds at press events. Questioning just who made the game. Notions of the development being back and forward. This is probably going to be one of the best stories this year, even more so if it results with Gearbox getting sued. With the ending moral being, “Don’t do too many projects at once, or you’ll break ties with a Publisher, and look like the most plump genetalia on the shelves.” Also, Randy Pitchford, Do the internet a magic show to make this all go away… It would actually work for short term gains!
Still, I can hope that some licensed games turn out better. In particular, a possible follow up to one of the best of this generation. Yes, Warner Brothers confirmed a new Batman Arkham title. Something that I think could have been a bit more directly told, but much like how nobody has any announced project lined up. I’m guessing that it will probably be a title for the Gen eight consoles. Or maybe Rocksteady is working on their own IP (yes, please). With a rumor that Spark Unlimited might be making it. Which I will believe when I see it. I mean, they’re already making Lost Planet 3 and one of the most insane ideas I’ve heard in recent memory, but one of the best. I mean, what is better than a Ninja Gaiden spin off led by Keiji Inafune? Especially when it’s about zombies, revenge, and robots, as well as a score by Grant Kirkhope?
“How about another Nintendo Direct?” A voice in my head said. Well, they’re often very nice, which is the case here. I really wish more companies would do this stuff, it’s kinda like a mini E3, but they’re direct about it and don’t spend billions. Wait, “direct about it”? You dogs, you! Well, a lot of stuff was talked about, starting with a massive personal stiffy in the form of Mario and Luigi 4! And while I do prefer the Paper Mario strain, mostly because nostalgia. And, the whole idea of being inside of someone else for half the game was the idea last time, and that had Bowser as a main character, which is pretty hard to top, but it certainly is going onto the list of games I’ll surcum to getting this summer.
One of which will undoubtedly be Animal Crossing, or else my friend will probably murder me. But he would most likely replace me with Nintendo, because it’ll need to be until June ninth. Five days before a game his trousers are creamed over, at least in my mind, The Last of Us. Not that it stopped making this look like the year of the 3DS. With A semi port/remake of Donkey Kong Country Returns, seeing as how platformers go with handhelds like peanut butter on bread. An actual incentive to quickly buy stuff from the eShop, in the form of sales. Although, I would like to see what their line up for Q3 and Q4 is. Yes, you’ve got Harmo-Knight, Soul Hackers, Luigi’s Mansion, Etrian Odyssey IV, Fire Emblem Awakening, Monster Hunter 3, and a Pokemon spin-off to kick off 2013, but I want to see their hidden cards! Yes, Pokemon X and Y looks keen as the keenest of keen, but one game for two quarters? Don’t be the Nintendo that made me get a new system that I sorta regret except for Twisted Pixel’s titles, XBLIG, and Metro 2033!
Well, there might be another title to add to that list, seeing as how a title I was wondering was given a new trailer the same day. Seeing as how a year of silence is the most ingenious way to promote a title. What is even better is how the game is question is called “Dark”. Really? Yes, it looks like a neat mix of various stealth games, with some super powers thrown into its AA arse. And I recall hearing it had a $40 price tag in May of last year. But just calling it ”Dark” is dumb! How the hell would anyone research it? Even calling it, Realmforge’s Dark, would make more sense. But this studio also made a game called Dungeons… No wonder they’re unknown!
However, there are three barrels full of dumb every week in this industry, and people are flipping out over a leaked Playstation 4 controller prototype. Now, some people were a bit angered from what I gathered, but I’m upset for completely different reasons. In short, I think all of this controller altering stuff is just kinda dumb in the long run. Now, call me an idiot if you may, but I think a giant digital distributor for every game ever would been the utmost levels of righteous. And doing stuff like this will just make it hard to play those title in 20 years, assuming you don’t stick with the technology forever. But we’re in the future now, and Sony is clearly going to keep the design. I just hope it goes like Sixaxis to be truthful.
Well, that’s all I found to be particularly interesting. Could talk about stuff, but most of it I barely am concerned with, so I’ll just fart something out that I made in literally ten minutes: I don’t know what in god’s name I was doing last night. I went out with some Rockers. Tried to get all buddy-bud so they’d protect my shop. It was nothing special, just a little hobby shop down on sixteenth. I do remember a large man in a cloak and fedora who entered with some other shady looking blokes. But they weren’t dressed like the Snakes or the Bangers.
So imagine my shock when I wake up, and I can’t move or feel anything other than my head. I could scream and jutter about, but I could not do squat in the grand scheme of things. Some ass even planted me out by a window so I could look down Eighth and Maple. I looked out and kept shouting for hours, but I’m guessing that screaming from the tenth floor did not help much. It was about nine when I woke up, and this lasted until it was dark. Ten hours of solitude where I was begging for help until I lost my voice.
That was, until I heard something behind me russell. I moaned out some pleas, but there was no vocal response, just an action. The action of lifting me up. I felt remarkably light, but also empty, and as I looked down, I could see why. I had nothing beneath my neck. Another series of speeches occurred, I was horrified. I woke up with no body, I should be dead. However, lady fate disliked the idea of me getting any answers, as I was tossed out of the window I’ve been looking at all day. And then, well, what do you think? I popped like a water balloon on sun heated cement.
Yeah, that was something I literally made as I went along.